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So often have I thought how easily things can fall apart. Can things really fall apart. How would that look. Would there be any earth beneath my feet, would the sky fall, would i fade, dissipate.

To fall apart= to loose my mind, pieces of me would drip down like slow drying paint or would it be a gushing waterfall. Perhaps I would hit the ground, waste away into the sunken earth while the sky in this case would not set me free. This time it would close the lid on every part of the pieces that were once my world.

No this picture of falling apart is entirely impossible. Yes conceivably this picture could be connected to ones emotions of what it might feel like to fall apart. I am not falling apart...

I am in fact grounded. Unusual for me, even a tad uncomfortable however a comfort I yearn for.

All that has been today, is A lovely Sunday lunch with my grandparents, where thankfully they consoled me in the fact that I was not the first person to use the four letter f word in the house round the table as my mother had so gleefully accused me of. (naturally I may not have been the first but i am probably the most frequent)

Another break up with my ex girl friend. As upsetting as this was, we allowed ourselves to be in a situation where when we broke up the first time we never really broke up and ultimately it has lead us to this point of break up after the break up. I believe we needed to o through this to know where we are within our selves. I believe this way is the only way forward for both of us to be free.

And then there is my work, keeping me busy. No its not the kind of work where you actually go to an office or have a boss or much of anything accept just be. I am moving freely withing the boundaries I have set for me(but then again it is Monday morning tomorrow, hopefully the manic glee has not slid all the way down.)

So yes here I am as always with fears and compassion, some hurt on the side, a very positive somebody roaming through my smile like swaying from my bungee walk. 

There are disappointments and there are hopes, i may hurt you one day and pick you up another, a pick me up ride to my compass.

short cuts>

Today I am not going to design any story or apparition of self or ongoings of my mind, not to take away from the trueness of myself. Today I  choose to say it how it is from exactly where i sit as I have failed to stand much today.

I am in a reality of sorts, not of sorts, a reality of such! My reality. It is usual for me to fall or become drowsy lurking on ground of a passive flow. It is usual after so much heightened stimulation where travels of dreams and reality are matched, driven by my soul, only to return home, where things come to a sudden Holt, as if a train were stopped by drunken cowboys and derailed, stolen gold.

I need to retrieve that gold.

I walked my dog today and realize when we reached a t-junction, that yes it is a mirror of where I am at. Airy I know, but thus be true, I have not been derailed, I am just standing, sitting indifferent to where i should go.

Indifferent is no easier then choosing that way or this way, It to is a choice, fortunately at this moment its a half hearted choice and I'm rearing to go.... that way?