We travelled through Virginia making a stop for a night at Tarynns trans sexual friend. It was both uncomfortable and interesting. Not Uncomfortable because he is now a she. It was sharing a very close space with her and her two very large dobermans. When we arrived she had all her lights off. Apparently she preferred it this way. I kept thinking to myself ,"I can't fucking see' and then my cousin said "I'm going to as you what may sound like a really stupid question. But do you have lights?" I chuckled inside. The lights were put on and finally I could see. Nix rambled on about Ferrari's, and having to find girls who like girls, I related to that. In fact I related to a lot of the 'emotional' stuff, obviously not the sex change emotional stuff. We both obsessed with our pets, we both stay at home and never see anybody, we both searching for love in all the wrong places. Anyway once she was done talking cars and chicks it was my cue to go to bed, where things were a little more awkward as I shared a bed with my cousin. Apparently I breathe very loudly when I sleep and as a result no body wants to sleep anywhere near me, so this resulted in him sleeping at my feet, But nothing phases me as I sleep, I am after all drugged out on sleep meds for the bi polar you know.
You know sometimes I don't think we realize, or maybe I don't realize how much easier or how much more complicated life can be and how much more complicated we can make it for ourselves. Of course I do not believe we can always choose our emotional or even our emotional reaction to things, perhaps we can alter them some what or learn to manage them somehow. I think what I am learning is even on my darkest days and there are a lot of dark days there is always a way out, even if I just stand in the light for just a moment, that moment in the light shines in me and takes me through those days. (I'm ranting-moving on)
We have reached a lovely little town called Ashville in North Carolina, Of course Tarynn(sister) and I fought quite a bit and when we fight it gets vicious , nasty, pure ugly but when I argue with someone I normally expect to be the best of friends a few seconds later. We fight about the most ridiculous things too, such as my apparent bad driving and apparent almost killing cyclists , of course these fights are not about these trivial things, they are just camouflage for something deeper. And after the screams and the tears there comes traffic a lot of traffic and in the traffic comes silliness and with the silliness comes laughter, so there it is a little tears a little laugh, its great release. I just have to add I LOVE being silly, really very silly.
Anyway we arrived in the beautiful town of Ashville.
Ashville is like a mini San Francisco, there is music coming out from almost every corner, art galleries sprawled all over town, electic mix of electric people. We spent the day getting lost in the streets where I found myself eating the best burger Ive had so far. Boutique shops and live music, dogs everywhere(i love)We chased throughout the streets following Tarynn in and out of guitar shops as she tried to find her match,returning again to town we she ate vegetarian whilst I sat and chatted whilst listening to a hawker play the trumpet. We will spend another day exploring Ashville tomorrow. We have decided to stay two nights, it just feels right, right now.
As I sit on the bed in a motel 8 , listening to some Mexicans arguing outside, I reflect on my day and try to centre myself. I ask "where are you now? How do I feel?" I answer, "I am with me, I am with you I am with us.""I still feel like somethings missing in me"
You know sometimes I don't think we realize, or maybe I don't realize how much easier or how much more complicated life can be and how much more complicated we can make it for ourselves. Of course I do not believe we can always choose our emotional or even our emotional reaction to things, perhaps we can alter them some what or learn to manage them somehow. I think what I am learning is even on my darkest days and there are a lot of dark days there is always a way out, even if I just stand in the light for just a moment, that moment in the light shines in me and takes me through those days. (I'm ranting-moving on)
We have reached a lovely little town called Ashville in North Carolina, Of course Tarynn(sister) and I fought quite a bit and when we fight it gets vicious , nasty, pure ugly but when I argue with someone I normally expect to be the best of friends a few seconds later. We fight about the most ridiculous things too, such as my apparent bad driving and apparent almost killing cyclists , of course these fights are not about these trivial things, they are just camouflage for something deeper. And after the screams and the tears there comes traffic a lot of traffic and in the traffic comes silliness and with the silliness comes laughter, so there it is a little tears a little laugh, its great release. I just have to add I LOVE being silly, really very silly.
Anyway we arrived in the beautiful town of Ashville.
Ashville is like a mini San Francisco, there is music coming out from almost every corner, art galleries sprawled all over town, electic mix of electric people. We spent the day getting lost in the streets where I found myself eating the best burger Ive had so far. Boutique shops and live music, dogs everywhere(i love)We chased throughout the streets following Tarynn in and out of guitar shops as she tried to find her match,returning again to town we she ate vegetarian whilst I sat and chatted whilst listening to a hawker play the trumpet. We will spend another day exploring Ashville tomorrow. We have decided to stay two nights, it just feels right, right now.
As I sit on the bed in a motel 8 , listening to some Mexicans arguing outside, I reflect on my day and try to centre myself. I ask "where are you now? How do I feel?" I answer, "I am with me, I am with you I am with us.""I still feel like somethings missing in me"
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