take flighty

One of them days I say, I say I say.

What did I actually do toady. Let me think? I woke to a haze over the see, a breathtaking haze with clouds that folded over me, beautiful deep grey clouds. The sea met with the haze, all as one. I sat out and stared for atlas an hour. But what is time when time does not matter and time seems to have no ends with me.

Had a quick breakfast. Stewed apples and yogurt. The taste was sweet and sour, I let it melt in my mouth. Thinking now, Next time i shall add cinnamon. I drove my Ouma(g ran) to town to town we went. The drive was as if I was steering a smooth yacht on a calm sea. Her car has that about it. An automatic, so It doesn't feel like Im doing anything, I think I prefer a manual, the power,the talk, the control I have under my hand, move along with my feet. Using my whole body to drive seems more thrilling. 

I took her grocery shopping and noticed as she chose what she needed how she has aged since I last saw her. Gracefully but obviously. Slow in her step and an uncertainty of small decisions. But that could just be a persona thing. I like the feeling of pushing her trolly, carrying her bags, being her driver. I suppose for me I feel a sense of love in the way that I do it. It is not duty but honor and care.

We got home and sipped on some coffee whilst eating fruit cake. Outside listening to the dogs bark endlessly as we looked out onto/into the ocean. The haze was no more but now a crisp blues sky which still seemed to be part of the sea as it had turned color with the sky.

My dad picked us up and took us for lunch, where I felt no guilt as I ate fries and and a thai beef wrap. He stared at me overtime I put a frie in my mouth but i could not care at the time. Although as I felt his eyes scan across my body and hold i felt it and I felt insecure about it. I am not at my best at the moment and it can get me down, or rather It does get me down. Anyway, we had lunch, we chatted a little although Im unsure how much he hears. I did make sure he would help take care of my Oumas 80th birthday in march. 

came home and slept for hours, then raced to Pathcare as to have my blood drawn, the unusually early blood checkup for my meeds. I got there late so back first thing in the morning. Returned home. 

My cousin and his wife came for a visit but I could find nothing in me to be social. distant, whilst smiling on one side and the other wandering if they can see= me. Unsure about my space, I lifted Phoenixes ball and tossed it and before I knew they were gone.

We ate mielies(corn) sweet and juicy. Jelly and custard to follow. Oh the last time I had jelly I remember making it juice in my mouth before I swallowed, this time I meshed the textures of jelly and custard and the sensation and seethes made me smile.

My aunt and uncle came over and this is where I learned in a short time that my family enjoy having conversations behind your back,then hearing it from another,confronting the other who will deny only to learn from another again it was infect true what the other said. Why do we do this as humans. Just be true to who you love and maybe avoid the disappointment in the breaking of trust. Its hurtful, its silly,its a waste of emotional time.

anyhow, I am happy I know what to do.

Oh I forgot-- I flew today. I soared just above ground, feet lifted in the air, but close enough to touch the ground with my fingers,lifting sand in the air, causing a small dust storm. Riveting flight,almost hit a few bushes,broke a few bones. My pilots were two very robust and over energetic dogs on leashes before. They took me for the ride as they raced each other, jumping over one another and in-turn the leashes became tangled and I fell to the floor.

Awesome stuff.