I want to describe everything. From the couch that I sit on to the clothes that I'm wearing to the body beneath them and the not so 'thick skin' that i usually wear. If I could describe the feelings under my skin I would but I can't at the moment as I am like porcelain, fragile, the need to be handled with care the distant want to take care myself. If I were to let the words leave my mouth and just say "no" or to scream "leave me"
I can not find that sturdy voice as it breaks when I utter just a 'hello' I woke weaker then usual, a dismal despair. I sink in the sand of broken grains, that not only scratch me as I sink, put pull me under scratching every facet of sadness that lures me to the depths of both my unknowing and sadly knowing all to well.
I just manage to keep my head above the sand of time and trust to the mud of grief and loss.
I feel the cold mud enfold my useless body and a wickedly cold wind slap me through the face like a backhand of a close fiery being. A foe, a friend attached to one, the one I can not bare to see, who can't see me.
I wake with the backlash of words now dead, reacting by painfully dragging myself from the alluring dark deed. I stand, i fall. Every time I fall the ground seems harder,and dreary sounds inhabit me. Each time I stand again , i cower at the concept of another fall.
I call to you,only to be faced with a mirror. I see. With my desperate sadness, i part from me and anger rises. Without a thought I act, I find the pieces of this mirror, have fallen to the ground from the smash of my head, to fall,to climb, to love to be.
So where am I in all of this, I am not lost nor found but in some middle blur. A blur I fly with to find a piece of me, will it fit or will it fall straight through the hole that gushes through my chest. I choke on blood that pumps the emotional cyclone, churning my inside,I'm eating me.
This is saddle doodle saddle stuff. The kind of stuff that turns me from in , to out, to you,to me. A backwash of just plain simple sad, a shot of trusting nothingness, a flame above, a flame of wishful dreams to be woken.
Shake me,hard so I can wake. Its a miserable mess. I know the light still saves me, the light,she never lets me go,watches closely as I throw my toys from in my cot,smiles when I think everything has been forgotten, reminding me constantly that when i smile, for that moment I shine with her,my light that sits so pleasantly.
I hate,I love, I give, I take--- forget me not as drag myself from sad. Sit upon a hill,with a complexed tree. I will climb you,I will speak, I will smile as I fly and when I fall I may cry but i refuse to clam up and stop my breath. I need something, I need something real. FEEL.
I can not find that sturdy voice as it breaks when I utter just a 'hello' I woke weaker then usual, a dismal despair. I sink in the sand of broken grains, that not only scratch me as I sink, put pull me under scratching every facet of sadness that lures me to the depths of both my unknowing and sadly knowing all to well.
I just manage to keep my head above the sand of time and trust to the mud of grief and loss.
I feel the cold mud enfold my useless body and a wickedly cold wind slap me through the face like a backhand of a close fiery being. A foe, a friend attached to one, the one I can not bare to see, who can't see me.
I wake with the backlash of words now dead, reacting by painfully dragging myself from the alluring dark deed. I stand, i fall. Every time I fall the ground seems harder,and dreary sounds inhabit me. Each time I stand again , i cower at the concept of another fall.
I call to you,only to be faced with a mirror. I see. With my desperate sadness, i part from me and anger rises. Without a thought I act, I find the pieces of this mirror, have fallen to the ground from the smash of my head, to fall,to climb, to love to be.
So where am I in all of this, I am not lost nor found but in some middle blur. A blur I fly with to find a piece of me, will it fit or will it fall straight through the hole that gushes through my chest. I choke on blood that pumps the emotional cyclone, churning my inside,I'm eating me.
This is saddle doodle saddle stuff. The kind of stuff that turns me from in , to out, to you,to me. A backwash of just plain simple sad, a shot of trusting nothingness, a flame above, a flame of wishful dreams to be woken.
Shake me,hard so I can wake. Its a miserable mess. I know the light still saves me, the light,she never lets me go,watches closely as I throw my toys from in my cot,smiles when I think everything has been forgotten, reminding me constantly that when i smile, for that moment I shine with her,my light that sits so pleasantly.
I hate,I love, I give, I take--- forget me not as drag myself from sad. Sit upon a hill,with a complexed tree. I will climb you,I will speak, I will smile as I fly and when I fall I may cry but i refuse to clam up and stop my breath. I need something, I need something real. FEEL.
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