Im mentally shattered and physically torn. Well maybe torn is not the correct description. My body is literally riddled with pain. Everyday I have a new symptom. As always it begins with throbbing pain in my head which flourishes into night sweats and knotted muscles in my neck. Stress.
The next day it is 'period pains' pushing in the sides of my legs outwards. As if there is some creature living there,twirling in my blood wrapping round my bones,compressing and then exploding causing pain to run through my limbs. Today It is my teeth,my gums causing my ears to ache. Incapable of sleeping due to the meshing of teeth and raw gums. This pain I am not used to and is the most intolerable.
Now I think to myself and look into my heart without using my eyes staring back at me from a mirror as the gate way. I sit and I feel and I become aware of what is my reality. Yes psychosomatic but not imagined. my pain is here and it is oh so very real but there is with out a doubt a connection to my emotional round about fuming and raging inside of me. With my lack of knowing how what I feel can be so drastically linked to how my body feels.
Its all to common I think. That this sickness I feel, the headaches possibly linked to the stress in my feelings of insecurity in what my future holds or the pain scraping feeling in my limbs could be linked to the disconnect I have with my dad or even my mom at times. Perhaps it is just my sadness that is desperately trying to find a way out to be expressed and I suppose it is normal that the more you keep it in, my body would be come sick with this,poisoned bu what some would call negative energy but what I call the raw parts of self that need to be felt and guided out or through faced and not beaten but calmed with self understanding. The teeth and the gums are most probably caused by grinding in my sleep,trying to grind the fear away. fear of ghosts and shadows hidden behind smiles that are forsaken or dirty rotten. The grinding of the pain and the lack of pain.
Yes I see it now, my body is paying for how or what I feel. Honestly I don't know the first thing about driving the poison out , i would guess I have begun just by expressing this. Where to from here I ask?
Okay now that thats left my mind by finger to key, allowing myself to express how I feel I share with you a few images, cards mostly that I have made for people I love this march. All the beautiful Woman of the water sign Pisces, I will lay them down in order of birthdays.
Starting with my Aunt Toni:
My friend Erica:
The next day it is 'period pains' pushing in the sides of my legs outwards. As if there is some creature living there,twirling in my blood wrapping round my bones,compressing and then exploding causing pain to run through my limbs. Today It is my teeth,my gums causing my ears to ache. Incapable of sleeping due to the meshing of teeth and raw gums. This pain I am not used to and is the most intolerable.
Now I think to myself and look into my heart without using my eyes staring back at me from a mirror as the gate way. I sit and I feel and I become aware of what is my reality. Yes psychosomatic but not imagined. my pain is here and it is oh so very real but there is with out a doubt a connection to my emotional round about fuming and raging inside of me. With my lack of knowing how what I feel can be so drastically linked to how my body feels.
Its all to common I think. That this sickness I feel, the headaches possibly linked to the stress in my feelings of insecurity in what my future holds or the pain scraping feeling in my limbs could be linked to the disconnect I have with my dad or even my mom at times. Perhaps it is just my sadness that is desperately trying to find a way out to be expressed and I suppose it is normal that the more you keep it in, my body would be come sick with this,poisoned bu what some would call negative energy but what I call the raw parts of self that need to be felt and guided out or through faced and not beaten but calmed with self understanding. The teeth and the gums are most probably caused by grinding in my sleep,trying to grind the fear away. fear of ghosts and shadows hidden behind smiles that are forsaken or dirty rotten. The grinding of the pain and the lack of pain.
Yes I see it now, my body is paying for how or what I feel. Honestly I don't know the first thing about driving the poison out , i would guess I have begun just by expressing this. Where to from here I ask?
Okay now that thats left my mind by finger to key, allowing myself to express how I feel I share with you a few images, cards mostly that I have made for people I love this march. All the beautiful Woman of the water sign Pisces, I will lay them down in order of birthdays.
Starting with my Aunt Toni:
My friend Erica:
My sister Taynn-O
My Ouma : (Who received 2 cards, one from my dog Phoenix and one from me)
I share these with you as they are a part of me, people I love are always a part of me.
No comments:
Post a Comment
say it