Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
“It is not only fine feathers that make fine birds.” Aesop
I walked past a coffee shop today. As I glimpsed through the window I became fixated on a woman who was staring back at me. She was crying. I stopped an looked back at her. Almost feeling her. As she cried,I smiled back and kept walking. I couldn't shake the feeling. I felt sad but content at the same time. Not because I was happy to see someone vulnerable. It was because I felt when I crossed her path I was in fact looking at me.
"a union of secrets and flaws" From my perception of course.
Obviously I do not know why she was crying or the circumstances that led to her tears. I do know it felt familiar. To connect to a feeling that carried from one stranger to another. Even if at that time stranger (a) is unaware that stranger (b) just gets it.
These are moments in my day that i keep. Call me strange but I connect with even the birds.
"a union of secrets and flaws" From my perception of course.
Obviously I do not know why she was crying or the circumstances that led to her tears. I do know it felt familiar. To connect to a feeling that carried from one stranger to another. Even if at that time stranger (a) is unaware that stranger (b) just gets it.
These are moments in my day that i keep. Call me strange but I connect with even the birds.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
22
Play this song with this post-
This is what Ive been doing for the past week. I took what i call an emotional journey to Pretoria-Brits-Joburg and back. I went to celebrate my Ouma's (gran) 80th Birthday and it was quite the celebration. I even witnessed my dad playing african drums round a fire. With large family events in my experience come just as large stirring emotions. From happy to angry to sad and happy again. Also fatigue sometime follows.
I have now had a few days to sit back (if you call cleaning your house for hours,coming up with concepts for children's books and spending hours shopping for storage boxes relaxing) Yet I have found time to put some pieces together,feel some moments I would invite anyway and do with open arms but for now I share with you the last week by giving you some of trip to you in pictures:
Thursday, March 22, 2012
theres a hole and then theres a hole that you fill
I think I have forgotten to mention that I am in a hole in the ground town , up north. As in far north from Cape Town. I am intact in my home town. A generalization here, but a very closed minded conservative town. I am in Pretoria and its not a secret that I don not like Pretoria. So much so I cried coming here,cried. I don't k ow exactly what it is about this place,Im assuming its linked to being from here,growing up here, or maybe Its just that I don't like it. nothing about it, well except of course for the beautiful family I lve and treasure, some family members I would throw myself in front of a bus for. Wait I take that back. Why would anyone have to throw themselves in front of a bus. Why is that even a saying, its silly. The point is I love a few people so much I would do drastically silly things for ,if needed,if necessary.
So here I am in this sinking mud of stink hole realizing it can't be all to bad, as being here I still find inspiration, my heart still beats and my mind still ticks. There is still beauty in places , I find with my wandering eyes and Im still getting to take afternoon naps.
Here is a picture I share with you, 2 of those I love , who inspire me and bring me to laughter, even whilst being somewhere I would prefer not to be: My day so far- i smile.
So here I am in this sinking mud of stink hole realizing it can't be all to bad, as being here I still find inspiration, my heart still beats and my mind still ticks. There is still beauty in places , I find with my wandering eyes and Im still getting to take afternoon naps.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
re connect
Im mentally shattered and physically torn. Well maybe torn is not the correct description. My body is literally riddled with pain. Everyday I have a new symptom. As always it begins with throbbing pain in my head which flourishes into night sweats and knotted muscles in my neck. Stress.
The next day it is 'period pains' pushing in the sides of my legs outwards. As if there is some creature living there,twirling in my blood wrapping round my bones,compressing and then exploding causing pain to run through my limbs. Today It is my teeth,my gums causing my ears to ache. Incapable of sleeping due to the meshing of teeth and raw gums. This pain I am not used to and is the most intolerable.
Now I think to myself and look into my heart without using my eyes staring back at me from a mirror as the gate way. I sit and I feel and I become aware of what is my reality. Yes psychosomatic but not imagined. my pain is here and it is oh so very real but there is with out a doubt a connection to my emotional round about fuming and raging inside of me. With my lack of knowing how what I feel can be so drastically linked to how my body feels.
Its all to common I think. That this sickness I feel, the headaches possibly linked to the stress in my feelings of insecurity in what my future holds or the pain scraping feeling in my limbs could be linked to the disconnect I have with my dad or even my mom at times. Perhaps it is just my sadness that is desperately trying to find a way out to be expressed and I suppose it is normal that the more you keep it in, my body would be come sick with this,poisoned bu what some would call negative energy but what I call the raw parts of self that need to be felt and guided out or through faced and not beaten but calmed with self understanding. The teeth and the gums are most probably caused by grinding in my sleep,trying to grind the fear away. fear of ghosts and shadows hidden behind smiles that are forsaken or dirty rotten. The grinding of the pain and the lack of pain.
Yes I see it now, my body is paying for how or what I feel. Honestly I don't know the first thing about driving the poison out , i would guess I have begun just by expressing this. Where to from here I ask?
Okay now that thats left my mind by finger to key, allowing myself to express how I feel I share with you a few images, cards mostly that I have made for people I love this march. All the beautiful Woman of the water sign Pisces, I will lay them down in order of birthdays.
Starting with my Aunt Toni:
My friend Erica:
The next day it is 'period pains' pushing in the sides of my legs outwards. As if there is some creature living there,twirling in my blood wrapping round my bones,compressing and then exploding causing pain to run through my limbs. Today It is my teeth,my gums causing my ears to ache. Incapable of sleeping due to the meshing of teeth and raw gums. This pain I am not used to and is the most intolerable.
Now I think to myself and look into my heart without using my eyes staring back at me from a mirror as the gate way. I sit and I feel and I become aware of what is my reality. Yes psychosomatic but not imagined. my pain is here and it is oh so very real but there is with out a doubt a connection to my emotional round about fuming and raging inside of me. With my lack of knowing how what I feel can be so drastically linked to how my body feels.
Its all to common I think. That this sickness I feel, the headaches possibly linked to the stress in my feelings of insecurity in what my future holds or the pain scraping feeling in my limbs could be linked to the disconnect I have with my dad or even my mom at times. Perhaps it is just my sadness that is desperately trying to find a way out to be expressed and I suppose it is normal that the more you keep it in, my body would be come sick with this,poisoned bu what some would call negative energy but what I call the raw parts of self that need to be felt and guided out or through faced and not beaten but calmed with self understanding. The teeth and the gums are most probably caused by grinding in my sleep,trying to grind the fear away. fear of ghosts and shadows hidden behind smiles that are forsaken or dirty rotten. The grinding of the pain and the lack of pain.
Yes I see it now, my body is paying for how or what I feel. Honestly I don't know the first thing about driving the poison out , i would guess I have begun just by expressing this. Where to from here I ask?
Okay now that thats left my mind by finger to key, allowing myself to express how I feel I share with you a few images, cards mostly that I have made for people I love this march. All the beautiful Woman of the water sign Pisces, I will lay them down in order of birthdays.
Starting with my Aunt Toni:
My friend Erica:
My sister Taynn-O
My Ouma : (Who received 2 cards, one from my dog Phoenix and one from me)
I share these with you as they are a part of me, people I love are always a part of me.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
7
So what Ive done today is given the version of the 'meaning' of my number, yes numerology. The blue is what they say and the black/grey Is how I relate. The reason I have chosen to share this because it scare me how very close it feels to the truth of me. Yes I know there are 20 million different people who share this number with me, but I share with you a bit of how I see the number 7 as it relates to me....
The 7 Life Path is the searcher and seeker of truth. You have a clear and compelling sense of yourself as a spiritual being. As a result, your goal is devoted to investigations into the unknown, and to finding the answers to the mysteries of life.(Yes and I disappear in to finding the answers to the mysteries of life. Often confusing reality with fantasy and mystery becomes my way of life. Once I have found the answers, aid decide which ones i keep (I keep almost everything, true or not.) I then ask the same questions again, sometimes hoping for different answers
The 7 Life Path is the searcher and seeker of truth. You have a clear and compelling sense of yourself as a spiritual being. As a result, your goal is devoted to investigations into the unknown, and to finding the answers to the mysteries of life.(Yes and I disappear in to finding the answers to the mysteries of life. Often confusing reality with fantasy and mystery becomes my way of life. Once I have found the answers, aid decide which ones i keep (I keep almost everything, true or not.) I then ask the same questions again, sometimes hoping for different answers
.
You posses a fine mind; you are an analytical thinker who is capable of great concentration(not so sure about the concentration but the fact that I can loose myself in something Im working on and hear nor see anything else around me, That equals capable:yes.) and theoretical insight. You enjoy research and putting the pieces of an intellectual puzzle together. Once you have enough pieces in place, you are capable of highly creative insight, and of practical solutions to problems. Definitely!!!!!
You enjoy your solitude, preferring to work alone. You need time to contemplate your ideas without the intrusion of other's people's thoughts. You are a lone wolf, a person who lives by your own ideas and methods. (without a doubt. I can't work in groups, Never have been able to and never will. I can't think if there are to many people around me let alone work with a series of ideas been sprung out at once. Come on i can hardly hear my own ideas racing around my 'office space' being my head. If someone else speaks when I am working,I want to scream)
As a result, close associations are difficult for you to form and to keep especially, marriage. (true)You need your space and privacy, which when violated, can cause great frustration and irritation.(and when frustrated, I am a moody bitch!)
When your life is balanced, however, you are both charming and attractive.(captivating even) You can be the life of a party and you enjoy performing before an audience.(guilty) You enjoy displaying your wit and knowledge,(humbly I agree;-) which makes you attractive to others, especially the opposite sex.(well maybe, but I would bank more on the same sex) But you have distinct limits. While you are generous in social situations, sharing your attention and energy freely, you are keenly aware of the need to come off stage, and to return to the solitude of your lair. (Oh and how that lair summons me)You associate peace with the unobtrusive privacy of your world. ('my world' I chuckle)Therefore, intimacy is difficult for you, because you guard your inner world like a mother lion does her cubs. "With all watchfulness keep thy heart, because life issueth out from it."
However, all this privacy and solitude can cause isolation and loneliness. You can be aware of an emptiness in your life, a part of you that yearns for company and close companionship that may be unsatisfied.(Oh how sadly honest this is,Much loneliness at my own demise. I am very honest in saying I am sick of my own company but pretend not to be)
If isolation is brought to extreme, you can become cynical and suspicious. You can develop hidden,(not so hidden) selfish motives, which people may sense and cause them to be uncomfortable around you.(yes they also generally think I am a little cooked and I cant imagine why, but strange and Ive gotten "you wierdo" a few times.) You must guard against becoming too withdrawn and too independent, thus shutting out the love for others, and keeping you from experiencing the true joy of friendship and close companionship.(what can I say)
You must especially watch out for selfishness and egocentricity,(mmmm that ego) thinking of yourself as the center of the universe, as the only person who really matters. Social contract gives you perspective on yourself and on life, while too much isolation can make you too narrow, and even shut off from the rest of the world.(God damn must I, Must I really ? Yeah It must be done, this is accurate)
Secretly, (again,not so secretly) you may feel jealous of the easy relationships formed by others;(the taste of envy on my lips) you may perceive others as less inhibited than you, or more free to express themselves. (perceptions are sometimes deceiving) You may harshly criticize yourself for not being more gregarious, powerful or capable of greater leadership.(I can be my worst enemy at times, mostly when depressed or bored I find self judgement comes in handy, BUT never fails to take awe from the truth- which is I just want a little bit of love)
Your challenge in life is to maintain your independence without feeling isolated or ineffectual.(challenge?) You must hold fast to your unique view of the world while at the same time being open to others and to the knowledge they have to offer.(heres the challenge: to balance unique with acceptance)
With your abilities to learn, analyze and seek out answers to life's important questions, you have the potential for enormous growth and success in life. (I should be 6'11" by now and with that I honestly do know I do have the potential for success in something beautiful) By the time you reach middle age you will radiate refinement and wisdom. (patience : 8-15 years to go)
Phytaguours,(Pythagoras of Samos- Agreek philosopher, who started a religious cult and studied philosophies, plato was influenced by him. He also travelled a lot. he was seen as a devine figure.Music,astrology,medicine even an athlete. Cool dude) who lived 2500 years ago and is often called the father of numerology, loved the 7 for its great spiritual potential. (with the little info Ive given you ,I think the man knew what he was talking about;-)
The person with a 7 Path Life often finds success and satisfaction with business, science, religion, insurance, invention, the occult and anything relate to research. (this part Im not entirely sure of, come on Phytaguours, really? Mmmm maybe religion;-)(Almost way off the mark here, maybe if I put them in to some sort of creative nature and I can't deny the whole research thing BUT only if Im interested or obsessed or totally in awe of, then I will research to the death.)
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
zzzz
Im too tired to make any sort of deep feeling entry. Far too drained. Low on energy. A ll I want to do is lay down and zone out--- deep deep much needed sleep.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
some memories are kept very close
Today I say few words and give this entry to a memory of You Jussie whom I always have in my heart, no matter how long, our time never fades.
We were always in many different versions of many different worlds we created. We grew through pain and love and a childhood I wouldn't change for anything. I believe since that time in assembly, after you went off to explore a new place of your own, strongly departed independently, i never saw it as you leaving me but leaving further on your journey. Since that assembly as we sang our gyms, my tears always teared up. This time I sensed you were there and I looked above , there you were, watching smiling and from that moment I knew, always. Okay sure you looked a bit like a gargoyle but a very fetching gargoyle at that and i felt protected, there but not there. From that day on almost every time I sing to this day, my eyes tear up.
I won't say if only I knew what it would of been like if you were still here, Because i am serene in knowing what it was like, beautiful.
I know you will appreciate the following pictures of one of the worlds we all shared.
I love you Justin. 21 years since you set out, it feels like yesterday,Till we meet again...
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Pain free
I have had a head that hurts so much its blinding. Its hard to say much right now due to being in a bit of a lull. You see with pain comes pain killers, in any such way. We all have our pain killer for our different things and hundreds of different justifications. But for once I am not referring to emotional pain where I would fall to banquets of food, or mountains of drugs, or into the arms of a woman.
I don't have the energy to try and connect the dots. Is this head connected to emotion or feeling. Is tho psychosomatic. Maybe I should just see things simple for now, I have a tension headache,that starts in my neck and blunders through my head like millions of machines drilling and hammering at a construction site.
I do not need to connect right now I need to relax and simply just let this be a headache.
I plaster on TransAct,a patch for muscle pain. A menthol to my skin. I do not just apply to my neck but to a few places I feel the knots grinding in my back. I take a few pills thats been prescribed, pills I would not normally take , but do in desperation. I slow down. Its ridiculous though because as I slow down I feel guilt that I am slobbing away.
What do we do for emotional pain? do we medicate, do we talk, do we fork it out and look at it. Some bury and forget,some wear it out proud. Some just sit in it and let it swallow them. What is the right way? none?
I am now going to lie down, and let myself relax, until my eyelids close gently and I fall asleep into a gentle dream.
I don't have the energy to try and connect the dots. Is this head connected to emotion or feeling. Is tho psychosomatic. Maybe I should just see things simple for now, I have a tension headache,that starts in my neck and blunders through my head like millions of machines drilling and hammering at a construction site.
I do not need to connect right now I need to relax and simply just let this be a headache.
I plaster on TransAct,a patch for muscle pain. A menthol to my skin. I do not just apply to my neck but to a few places I feel the knots grinding in my back. I take a few pills thats been prescribed, pills I would not normally take , but do in desperation. I slow down. Its ridiculous though because as I slow down I feel guilt that I am slobbing away.
What do we do for emotional pain? do we medicate, do we talk, do we fork it out and look at it. Some bury and forget,some wear it out proud. Some just sit in it and let it swallow them. What is the right way? none?
I am now going to lie down, and let myself relax, until my eyelids close gently and I fall asleep into a gentle dream.
:::
“Cover that bosom. I must not see it. Souls are wounded by such things, and they arouse wicked thoughts.” Moliere
Monday, March 5, 2012
one'some' for me threesome for you
I found a very interesting article today. Between searching for goldfish and swallowing masses of pain killers that just don't seem to kill any sort of pain, be it my migraine or the delusions and reality behind the knot in my back shoulder, the heavy lurking of a massive thunder cloud behind my head.
I did what I could, to keep me from being bored. There is no time for bored when I work for nothing but gain another type of something. I can share with you what is better than money. The pat on my back when I create. Also the distraction from self. Then with each great and my hand to my head, I feel that torturous pain surround and then succumb. "fuck the pain away"
I have been glued to this fairy tale dream of a mac. Glued to this filthy couch I have recovered with millions of fabrics in my little head. Eyes peeled to this screen that changes into different versions of different images, all drawn out with my peculiar mind. Oh the satisfaction to see, to change,to play with,to color in the black and white--- THIS IS NEVER BORING- even when its boring.
Right, back to this article that is so very interesting to me: Koala Bears!
Did you know, that there is a scientific study on Koala Bears that goes something like this: Those really cute little creatures are 'lesbians' ! They say they like to mate with more ladies then gentlemen. (they know what they're doing) They apparently reject the males advances and turn 'straight' back to their lady friends.
Not only are they lesbians, they also enjoy partaking in group sex (with 5 or more other females) What a bunch of little whores (I could learn a little something) It was also found that the homosexual behavior in these sexy little bears was restricted to females only. (hhhhhhmmmmmm)
It was counted that there were 3 girl on girl 'action' for every 1 straight encounter.
the study of our raunchy gay lady bears was done to determine the purpose of these same sex encounters.
I would say its obvious. Woman are designed beautifully. Apparently the studies revealed one of the reasons were for 'stress relief'
So I say hello Koala's, I agree, more sex with woman and live a stress free life. You might have to have a lot of sex , all the time. That way you can also forget you're stressed. Then again, too much sex could possible cause a whole new stress. So when participating in these 5 woman a time orgies be sure that you can handle it, If you can, if you really really can, switch off, let go and fuck like Koala bears.
Yes, these are the random things that amuse me.
I did what I could, to keep me from being bored. There is no time for bored when I work for nothing but gain another type of something. I can share with you what is better than money. The pat on my back when I create. Also the distraction from self. Then with each great and my hand to my head, I feel that torturous pain surround and then succumb. "fuck the pain away"
I have been glued to this fairy tale dream of a mac. Glued to this filthy couch I have recovered with millions of fabrics in my little head. Eyes peeled to this screen that changes into different versions of different images, all drawn out with my peculiar mind. Oh the satisfaction to see, to change,to play with,to color in the black and white--- THIS IS NEVER BORING- even when its boring.
Right, back to this article that is so very interesting to me: Koala Bears!
Did you know, that there is a scientific study on Koala Bears that goes something like this: Those really cute little creatures are 'lesbians' ! They say they like to mate with more ladies then gentlemen. (they know what they're doing) They apparently reject the males advances and turn 'straight' back to their lady friends.
Not only are they lesbians, they also enjoy partaking in group sex (with 5 or more other females) What a bunch of little whores (I could learn a little something) It was also found that the homosexual behavior in these sexy little bears was restricted to females only. (hhhhhhmmmmmm)
It was counted that there were 3 girl on girl 'action' for every 1 straight encounter.
the study of our raunchy gay lady bears was done to determine the purpose of these same sex encounters.
I would say its obvious. Woman are designed beautifully. Apparently the studies revealed one of the reasons were for 'stress relief'
So I say hello Koala's, I agree, more sex with woman and live a stress free life. You might have to have a lot of sex , all the time. That way you can also forget you're stressed. Then again, too much sex could possible cause a whole new stress. So when participating in these 5 woman a time orgies be sure that you can handle it, If you can, if you really really can, switch off, let go and fuck like Koala bears.
Yes, these are the random things that amuse me.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
even sadness glows
I want to describe everything. From the couch that I sit on to the clothes that I'm wearing to the body beneath them and the not so 'thick skin' that i usually wear. If I could describe the feelings under my skin I would but I can't at the moment as I am like porcelain, fragile, the need to be handled with care the distant want to take care myself. If I were to let the words leave my mouth and just say "no" or to scream "leave me"
I can not find that sturdy voice as it breaks when I utter just a 'hello' I woke weaker then usual, a dismal despair. I sink in the sand of broken grains, that not only scratch me as I sink, put pull me under scratching every facet of sadness that lures me to the depths of both my unknowing and sadly knowing all to well.
I just manage to keep my head above the sand of time and trust to the mud of grief and loss.
I feel the cold mud enfold my useless body and a wickedly cold wind slap me through the face like a backhand of a close fiery being. A foe, a friend attached to one, the one I can not bare to see, who can't see me.
I wake with the backlash of words now dead, reacting by painfully dragging myself from the alluring dark deed. I stand, i fall. Every time I fall the ground seems harder,and dreary sounds inhabit me. Each time I stand again , i cower at the concept of another fall.
I call to you,only to be faced with a mirror. I see. With my desperate sadness, i part from me and anger rises. Without a thought I act, I find the pieces of this mirror, have fallen to the ground from the smash of my head, to fall,to climb, to love to be.
So where am I in all of this, I am not lost nor found but in some middle blur. A blur I fly with to find a piece of me, will it fit or will it fall straight through the hole that gushes through my chest. I choke on blood that pumps the emotional cyclone, churning my inside,I'm eating me.
This is saddle doodle saddle stuff. The kind of stuff that turns me from in , to out, to you,to me. A backwash of just plain simple sad, a shot of trusting nothingness, a flame above, a flame of wishful dreams to be woken.
Shake me,hard so I can wake. Its a miserable mess. I know the light still saves me, the light,she never lets me go,watches closely as I throw my toys from in my cot,smiles when I think everything has been forgotten, reminding me constantly that when i smile, for that moment I shine with her,my light that sits so pleasantly.
I hate,I love, I give, I take--- forget me not as drag myself from sad. Sit upon a hill,with a complexed tree. I will climb you,I will speak, I will smile as I fly and when I fall I may cry but i refuse to clam up and stop my breath. I need something, I need something real. FEEL.
I can not find that sturdy voice as it breaks when I utter just a 'hello' I woke weaker then usual, a dismal despair. I sink in the sand of broken grains, that not only scratch me as I sink, put pull me under scratching every facet of sadness that lures me to the depths of both my unknowing and sadly knowing all to well.
I just manage to keep my head above the sand of time and trust to the mud of grief and loss.
I feel the cold mud enfold my useless body and a wickedly cold wind slap me through the face like a backhand of a close fiery being. A foe, a friend attached to one, the one I can not bare to see, who can't see me.
I wake with the backlash of words now dead, reacting by painfully dragging myself from the alluring dark deed. I stand, i fall. Every time I fall the ground seems harder,and dreary sounds inhabit me. Each time I stand again , i cower at the concept of another fall.
I call to you,only to be faced with a mirror. I see. With my desperate sadness, i part from me and anger rises. Without a thought I act, I find the pieces of this mirror, have fallen to the ground from the smash of my head, to fall,to climb, to love to be.
So where am I in all of this, I am not lost nor found but in some middle blur. A blur I fly with to find a piece of me, will it fit or will it fall straight through the hole that gushes through my chest. I choke on blood that pumps the emotional cyclone, churning my inside,I'm eating me.
This is saddle doodle saddle stuff. The kind of stuff that turns me from in , to out, to you,to me. A backwash of just plain simple sad, a shot of trusting nothingness, a flame above, a flame of wishful dreams to be woken.
Shake me,hard so I can wake. Its a miserable mess. I know the light still saves me, the light,she never lets me go,watches closely as I throw my toys from in my cot,smiles when I think everything has been forgotten, reminding me constantly that when i smile, for that moment I shine with her,my light that sits so pleasantly.
I hate,I love, I give, I take--- forget me not as drag myself from sad. Sit upon a hill,with a complexed tree. I will climb you,I will speak, I will smile as I fly and when I fall I may cry but i refuse to clam up and stop my breath. I need something, I need something real. FEEL.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
dandelion
Ive lived in different places,Ive even lived in different worlds. I am currently accessing new ones and exploring.
When I was small I remember how we used to take walks through jungles and swamps and sinking mud. We tracked through lands where vines would grab us by our ankles and string us into the sky. As we hung upside down, we had really quick thinking to get loose. Suddenly I would have knife the size of a sword or a magic potion that gave me the strength to get free. We would jump through waterfalls and walk through portals of very exciting worlds. We escaped, just with imagination. I remember when that was enough.
If I look at it now. Those dangerous jungles,swamps,sinking mud and poisonous vines were in fact our troubles,our feelings,the world we could not handle. Then the quick thinking,the strange weapons. Our way of rescuing ourselves from the danger in life,the feelings that bound us to reality. Obviously the portals were what we wanted to be real. Dreams.
I was brought to these thoughts today as two things came to me. I saw some little boys playing along side the lake. I giggled when the one boy slipped and fell in, grabbing onto some flimsy reeds to pull himself up but the more he pulled the more grip he lost. His friend grabbed him and they both fell over as he emerged, soaked in mud,shoes,clothes and all.
I giggled as I flashed back to when I was small and how every time without fail when we went on our adventures, anytime we were near water, I fell in, returning home soaked, Mom not impressed "again?" Sheepishly smiling as she led me to the shower. I was as a result called 'clumsy Carey' Its stuck you know.
The second thing s dandelions. Where I live right now there seem to be many, and the seedlings or the 'fluff' has landed every where on every thing. As I got irritated, changing my dogs water bowl for the umpteenth time today,due to dandelion water, i was reminded how once upon a time I found the same thing magical. We used to call dandelion, fairies or angels. I believed if one landed on me I was protected , protected by a presence I did not yet understand, it was a blessing. So now as I see it blowing into my house, laid on everything I smile.
When I was small I remember how we used to take walks through jungles and swamps and sinking mud. We tracked through lands where vines would grab us by our ankles and string us into the sky. As we hung upside down, we had really quick thinking to get loose. Suddenly I would have knife the size of a sword or a magic potion that gave me the strength to get free. We would jump through waterfalls and walk through portals of very exciting worlds. We escaped, just with imagination. I remember when that was enough.
If I look at it now. Those dangerous jungles,swamps,sinking mud and poisonous vines were in fact our troubles,our feelings,the world we could not handle. Then the quick thinking,the strange weapons. Our way of rescuing ourselves from the danger in life,the feelings that bound us to reality. Obviously the portals were what we wanted to be real. Dreams.
I was brought to these thoughts today as two things came to me. I saw some little boys playing along side the lake. I giggled when the one boy slipped and fell in, grabbing onto some flimsy reeds to pull himself up but the more he pulled the more grip he lost. His friend grabbed him and they both fell over as he emerged, soaked in mud,shoes,clothes and all.
I giggled as I flashed back to when I was small and how every time without fail when we went on our adventures, anytime we were near water, I fell in, returning home soaked, Mom not impressed "again?" Sheepishly smiling as she led me to the shower. I was as a result called 'clumsy Carey' Its stuck you know.
The second thing s dandelions. Where I live right now there seem to be many, and the seedlings or the 'fluff' has landed every where on every thing. As I got irritated, changing my dogs water bowl for the umpteenth time today,due to dandelion water, i was reminded how once upon a time I found the same thing magical. We used to call dandelion, fairies or angels. I believed if one landed on me I was protected , protected by a presence I did not yet understand, it was a blessing. So now as I see it blowing into my house, laid on everything I smile.
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