rush for room

Theres a rattle in my brain, it is not inane not even for the insane,

you could hit me with your cane, Id still be singing in the rain

This might be lame, but Im no dame, 

its my minds name, wont lead to fame,

just the same ol same

Its a rag doll, thoughts stumble without alcohol,

I could take a strippers pole to my mind most foul

Its a bite in the back, a jittered heart attack, 

a freaky little horror of a shop that I lack,i fall when its slack, 

but im jumping jack

I cant see me free or flee, maybe crazy eagerly climb a tree would you agree to be we with glee and scream yippee until stung by a bee

Breed it,Feed it,Screw it ,do it,fuse it, muse it,lock it, f*ckit

I laugh now at this silly rhyme because I can because its mine, as I know Its benign ,its free for you splendidly from a fetching me.

Eat brain for matter

Today I was wined and dined ,without the wine. I was picked up at my home a little nervous to get into my ride. An interesting array of guests to gather for lunch. My mother "the loudmouth'(but ever so caring, her boyfriend "the moody p*%s"(but oh so kind), His daughter Jade"the forever flirt"(but 14-a never forever) and last but certainly the best of the batch My mothers boyfriends, get this=ex wife"the sticky tricky bitch"(but just insecure a friendly smoke partner)and then there's me,today my role is "trouble maker any taker"

As we drove along the winding roads through the vineyards, with exquisite mountainous views. I felt queasy with motion sickness,with all the chatter of personalities trying so eagerly to be heard at once,Jade on my lap fondling my phone. A combination of trying to make sure she did not go through the wrong messages , Johns driving and my mother and the ex jabbering away,I was quite sure I would get sick. But then we were there. And there it was majestic.

This wine farm/restaurant set so perfectly in the mountains,vineyards rolling at our feet, this is one of those place you pay a freaking fortune for a meal that's the size of a table spoon serving,that when I left I was so hungry I got take out. But it was commendable none the less.

"just so you know your meal is served with lamb brains" I imagine my face squished from both sides into my mouth as I held my throat. My instinct was to decline. That was until the ex wife started chirping how people are so fickle and never want to try new things blah blah blah. Fucking with the wrong bitch. I looked up at the waiter "yes thanks I will have the lamb brains on the side please" My stomach already turning. But you know what , why not> right?

As the food arrived I grabbed the plate with the lambs first as I just couldn't stand this woman chirping me any longer. A fat like substance came oozing out as I cut the first half of the brain in half. A part of me could not believe I was going to do this. I almost wanted to block my nose as I did when I was a child when I was forced to eat liver. Foul I say. Fork missed teeth,Brain to tongue, I didn't swallow, I chewed,I swallowed. "mmmm, not bad a bit like bread and marrow" as I said that it was a little bit nothing like bread or marrow, it was nothing like anything Ive eaten before, a very peculiar texture.

So I swallowed and looked at ex wife with a very mischievous smile, pushed my plate towards her,"do try some brain" The bitch declined. All that stuff about people never trying new things, well I do say baroness "people in glass houses"

Well, I guess Ive eaten lamb brain then. Mmmm.

A few hours later I'm a getting a burger down the road, I guess a just missed the spot I was looking for it to full.

My "groupies" escorted me home. Only Jade and I spoke, she cant decide if I'm special to her, if we friends or something like half sister or just nothings, whatever we are it entails her being the paparazzi as she took about 100 pictures of me in a 15minute drive. I feel for her- she stands alone.
I saw my mom running off to keep the peace, the peace in her boyfriends mind. Dint ask me how that works but God does she try. The ex and I were no longer smoke buddies so our good bye was brief.

Lunch,people,brains,dessert,conversation,a good laugh,home,love,failed Chinese lantern launch

day was fruitful(fruitfully really is that all I can up with) Let me try again:
today was exactly what I needed to ground me for the week, it gave me relief and hippity happity (better)
today was one of beauteous entity giving me feelings of reward in all (best)

drop

Today for a moment I tremble I falter I stumble I fall.

My eyes itch with that summers burn. Which makes it easy for me to mask my tears. She looks upon me as I turn my hands to fists and rub my eyes. "hay fever" I say, she smiles, "but yes I'm crying too" This I chose not to hide. Why should I.

Tears can be comfort but far from cure.

I travel from emotion with a holster on my side, drawing my weapon only when the dark is nigh. sometimes when I'm exploring deep within the misty cliffs,or burrowed behind a waterfall,I take her out to throw,away from myself. To know I am in fact closer to adventure of honor than the demise of fury.
I come upon stories of others who know the road as close as mine and even on the opposite side,driving in another direction. Perfection of travel is not one that is won, I travel solo with ideas and feelings set in my soul.

apart/a part

If I have a superpower so do you

Ive created a world that consumes me. Become lost in it. There are few friends and many strangers. I have comrades that are foes and rivals that are sidekicks. I smile at myself now with my little analogies that probably only make any sense to me.

Im one of those people that laugh at my own jokes all the time and I love it, the laughing at myself makes me laugh harder,stronger. Pure amusement of self.

Momentarily I  wade in fantasy of Murial's dancing on my walls. From alluring imagery of lost forests gliding into magical cityscape's. I can draw with my eyes. Shapes, people, words but never conclusions. I don't posses that gift. I have a few but not that one.

Some professionals would say it be a typical sign of my "disease" to feel I posses gifts, "superpowers" at all. honestly why not believe. I don't care who judges or who does not but I'm comfortable in knowing that I am gifted in my way, as you are in yours.

When I was younger I truly believed I could fly. I remember in grade 1 during break, i got everyone to gather round me in the classroom to show them I could fly. Can you believe they believed it to. I must of really hyped this up. Or come to think they probably just thought I was a nutter and couldn't resist not watching the show. I pushed the teaches desk to the back of the wall and tied my jersey round my neck like a cape. Honestly I don t think I noticed anyone else in the room. I ran til the middle of the classroom. LIFTOFF. I flew all the way out to the door. At least I got a good laugh out of it.

Point is, why not believe? Maybe its unrealistic but maybe for some its just that extra thing that keeps them going.

Sure I'm and adult and I realise I cant fly anymore but I have something better, charm. It goes a long way. I believe I can read peoples minds to. But honestly i just pay attention to detail,to things,to how and where etc etc. Actually there loads of superpowers.

Invisible woman: I can disappear and reappear from everyone when ever I choose, even in a room with people I don't have to be there= invisible.
Time travel: I can go in to the past and into the future at the snap of a thought, boom.
Invincible: Withstand immense emotional pain
Shape shifting: I admit that's stretching it a bit. If changing your personality enough to adapt as survival. well shape shift personality.(when needed) you may even believe I am of another for. A wolf maybe.
esp: well we all posses this to some level, just need to access it and be very very careful as to how you use it.

So there I am in my little superpower world, watching movies on the wall, dum di dum di dum di tapping in my brain.

I may seem a little out of the sane bracket, the truth is my real gift is that I have no reason keeping me from insisting I have gifts.

my shrink goes to raves

I sat there smiling. No just any smile, the one that shines through my eyes first, tingling down my cheeks, touching my lips and mouth sings with that smile.

So I sat there smiling, opposite my shrink. In her normal form. Long skirt, white blouse,cut low enough to see her breasts but still Conservative in her way. She is somewhat nerdy by nature.

She spoke to me as she always does in her stern placid tone, "You're manic!",rubbed her hands together with spark in her eye like some child who just received a sweet.

"i don't know if I'm manic, I just create a lot of things to do that keep me very busy from 7 am to midnight" I paused, "its more like, keep busy to keep up." she kept rubbing her hands.
 "I mean its not manic when its positive?surely.", her hands became still. I looked her in the eye and I felt "that" smile glide through me,  "all I do is design,design,design" realising what i meant was "designing a way not to be sad" , I like what she said next, "whats important here is,I believe you know, is youre not depressed with this disease, youre sad because you want to connect." I understood and felt exactly what she meant but I went on and on about bipolar theories and people who don't understand it and how its even relevant to me (oh I'm bi-polar,that's how) Once I was done with my monologue she comforted me in knowing "There is  healthy manic, medication doesn't take you away and if you being very creative there isn't a problem" no problem.

I sat there on that chair, trying to hide behind it, I was trying to hide my face, my face wanted to show that I was laughing. I had a "if I could put my hand in front of my face moment" I would.

 I however have mastered the art of masking such things when need be. I sat there staring at her listening , my gut desperately wanting to giggle, we were chatting about me getting out and how "hard" it is to make friends. 

I don't take any advise from her on this regard as i honestly don't think she has a fucking clue. She made comments such as "its harder to make friends as you get older,if you were at varsity you would be in a basketball club or a chess team" seriously woman, sure id be playing basketball on the chessboard. She  then suggested I make some "gay"friends by going to a "gayrave" what the fuck is a gay rave. Like I said I was gagging to giggle but not really at her, its kind of cute..

end of session

• I had lunch with a girl who may as well of been wearing panties as her shorts were that short, it was distracting.
• I saw my mom, I saw her souls been stolen
• I had a temper tantrum because my grass was not mowed,ripped the grass with my hands and threw it at management- great entertainer
• i lost myself to creativity
• i found myself in creativity
• i am what i am

There could be a U in ME= MEU

Iv'e been toying with this void for long enough

is it grey in matter

a ploy with my   android to leave

will she plea in chatter

of crying to be employed by me

will i find my blood splatter

over my eyes destroyed with lies

can i scream  until i shatter

taken an emotional steroid overdose

I know not know what I feel , Am I an Actor...

Flying Saucers Vs Maths Courses

As I drove round the winding road at a speed unlimited to this desperate housewives village I live in, Music vibrating from under my seat,I'm humming, my head rockin like one of those Chinese bopping dogs people put on there dash boards. I noticed water soaring across the road. Coming from both sides, gushing, like two waterfalls falling upside down from the ground, somehow pushing it like waterworks for my attraction. I could not resist unwinding both my windows,slowing down anticipating the magic…

The water didn't come flooding in as It came flying through my windows rapidly touching my cheeks,wetting my chest with a sting, I flung my head round to take one more look at the transparent sky river. Christened by my thrilling water game.

mmm small minds, great minds, small things, great things, mesmerize me..

I suppose all this was so fascinating as I just woke from a nap, my everyday nap, 4pm on the dot for an hour. I have a million reasons as to why I nap. I'm tired,I need to calm my dog down,I'm going to be up late…. There is only one reason, that is I want to switch off, Switch off from it all. Thoughts feeling, things people,memories…. to much head,to much heart not enough rest.

Only when I "switch off" It still goes on and on and on only I'm sedated, but I dream it, I still feel it and when I wake I still see it.

So that's why I share my waterside theme park ride because for me its living,Its a moment and in that moment, I took a break,I was switched off but I was truly vividly switched on and it was exciting. I know its not always exciting but I have that in which I know maybe I don't need to sleep to escape maybe something like a a sprinkler cascading water on me is good enough to set me free. 

who ever really knows

"Its not my job to fill the holes in you soul"

I just over hear some kid yelling repetitively "why did you lock me inside?" banging on the door. Only he was standing outside.


This got me thinking. How often i feel locked inside when i am in fact out and how much time do I spend locking myself inside when I should be wandering out side. Inside outside, all come with a little bit of yelling when not in sync. I do not have the pleasure of being outside nor in, so does that leave me outin or inout or just aside.


Ive spent my day journeying through maps and adventures Ive planned to take since I left school. I always saw myself travelling through Africa and i revisit this at least once sometimes twice a year depending on how often I need a diversion or a dream. Ive been from Cape to Cairo at least 20 times today, trying to find away past Sudan as not to put my life in danger. I have a sponsored land drover as I will be doing a documentary of course, what it will be I have no clue, I know it will be something remarkable. Naturally I have looked into the possibilities of having my dog by my side, oh the beauty of Africa, the beast of the land taking me in. The rare void of open sand, feeding me. the rivers that soak my undying hunger to see, to feel everything ridden. Take only what I can give. I have of course decided I will have a rifle, I am a good shot after all and even though I may not use it I have a name for it: "cobija" to protect. 


Yes yes I have traveled the whole African continent today and its funny how it works, the first time I planned a trip like this was with a few friends from school. I thought of them as i sat doing my routes. I think I was driving over land through Malawi I got a message from my sister informing me that our school friend had passed away,(I hate that term passed away-DIED)


strangely Lebo was one of the friends I initially planned an African adventure with,I had thought of her today as i ventured in my land rover with my dog at my side. WHOA.


One thing I learnt, It doesn't matter if you haven't seen someone for years and years, when they are gone or taken it hurts and its sad, there is always a connection. So easily, so beautifully, so randomly, so imperfectly, so painfully, so...
 To day I hoped,I dreamed,I hid from myself,I lost,I cried, I Remembered


Lebos last facebook statement really struck a nerve and I will share it as I will never forget it: 


"Its not my job to fill the holes in you soul"

...

So often have I thought how easily things can fall apart. Can things really fall apart. How would that look. Would there be any earth beneath my feet, would the sky fall, would i fade, dissipate.

To fall apart= to loose my mind, pieces of me would drip down like slow drying paint or would it be a gushing waterfall. Perhaps I would hit the ground, waste away into the sunken earth while the sky in this case would not set me free. This time it would close the lid on every part of the pieces that were once my world.

No this picture of falling apart is entirely impossible. Yes conceivably this picture could be connected to ones emotions of what it might feel like to fall apart. I am not falling apart...

I am in fact grounded. Unusual for me, even a tad uncomfortable however a comfort I yearn for.

All that has been today, is A lovely Sunday lunch with my grandparents, where thankfully they consoled me in the fact that I was not the first person to use the four letter f word in the house round the table as my mother had so gleefully accused me of. (naturally I may not have been the first but i am probably the most frequent)

Another break up with my ex girl friend. As upsetting as this was, we allowed ourselves to be in a situation where when we broke up the first time we never really broke up and ultimately it has lead us to this point of break up after the break up. I believe we needed to o through this to know where we are within our selves. I believe this way is the only way forward for both of us to be free.

And then there is my work, keeping me busy. No its not the kind of work where you actually go to an office or have a boss or much of anything accept just be. I am moving freely withing the boundaries I have set for me(but then again it is Monday morning tomorrow, hopefully the manic glee has not slid all the way down.)

So yes here I am as always with fears and compassion, some hurt on the side, a very positive somebody roaming through my smile like swaying from my bungee walk. 

There are disappointments and there are hopes, i may hurt you one day and pick you up another, a pick me up ride to my compass.

short cuts>

Today I am not going to design any story or apparition of self or ongoings of my mind, not to take away from the trueness of myself. Today I  choose to say it how it is from exactly where i sit as I have failed to stand much today.

I am in a reality of sorts, not of sorts, a reality of such! My reality. It is usual for me to fall or become drowsy lurking on ground of a passive flow. It is usual after so much heightened stimulation where travels of dreams and reality are matched, driven by my soul, only to return home, where things come to a sudden Holt, as if a train were stopped by drunken cowboys and derailed, stolen gold.

I need to retrieve that gold.

I walked my dog today and realize when we reached a t-junction, that yes it is a mirror of where I am at. Airy I know, but thus be true, I have not been derailed, I am just standing, sitting indifferent to where i should go.

Indifferent is no easier then choosing that way or this way, It to is a choice, fortunately at this moment its a half hearted choice and I'm rearing to go.... that way?

My Mustang carpet ride

I bought myself a Mustang today...

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to drive either a fire bird trans am or a mach1 mustang.In my fantasies they were both black, like rogue stallions,stallions that swept me away like white unicorns.

So why not. Why keep resisting the temptation right? right....

There she is. perfect for me. She is not black but white and she is convertible. She is a dream. As I got in i sunk into her leather seats, moulded to my body, I melt into her ,entwined, we were one. My fingers feel the icy keys as i clasp them, push them in and turn. Start.She purrs.

I drive away slowly, clutch in, clutch out, clutch me free, I drive faster , she roars, i howl as the wind rushes past my hair through my my mind, bare!

I slowdown and park by the sea, Oh to make love in this car... This care, could it be... I look around and everything fades, i fall to the ground and its just me, no purr of her engine or seat weaved upon me, no.

why this mustang of mine is so flawless,so dreamy is because it fits so perfectly in the palm of my hand, it fits in my pocket, I ride it with my fingers not my feet or my hands.

Be it a toy car, may it not be, either way its driven by me

homeward found

Ironic that I "found myself in India", and that is a deliberate play on words. I was always the one to make mockery of those who would say, I'm going to India to find myself or I found myself in India.

I always said the last place I would choose to visit would be , yes India and this is obviously where the irony lies , i say loudly smirking shyly as I whisper to myself ,"oh my god, was I just in India?" this be true I found myself there...

Its debatable if it be the way in which one spiritually finds them self in the way people write books about and base movies upon, no this is not me at all, but I did allow myself to be me. I do not believe it be The place of the beautiful India but the place within the beautiful me, follow?

So I journeyed within me not beside me.

Perhaps in some ways we all posses the ethereal, but that is not my message to myself, simply Ive learnt how much easier I find my life whilst traveling. I'm at ease, i gift myself with balance, the balance of truth,my truth. Thing are open and free. I open with out hesitation or fear, I am the me without the hangups or the fears, I call her the magic me.

I learn each time I travel when I return home, I hold onto that magic, magic being real, I hold and without fail it always fades, I get caught up in everyone else again, my fears like rotten pears touch my pallet,unable to maintain a semblance of calm as I swallow my poison. I loos my free spirit to my closed walls.

Now, I have no desire to do as I always do, why not keep being who I know,who I am so comfortable being, my trueness in essence of my magic that speaks in the magnitude of phenomenal stories, stories which are not just that, but mirrors of not a fading spirit but a well working freeing one.

I am me, when I travel I am me, I walk into myself, I open my door "walk through it" I am me,when I am home, my door is still here, "just walk through it"

its always magical to be who you are, when things are beautiful and even when it hurts , the important thing is : you know who you are

days

ust a moment remembered from each day....

Day 1: Rickshaw Rush

We were taken for a ride by an insidious tacky jewelry man. The idea was for my mom to do business with him. Turned out he did business with us. His business was of dishonesty. Once he realised were disinterested in his very tacky over exaggerated jewelry, I'm not sure even the Williams sisters would wear dangling round there necks. But yes he promised a ride back to the hotel, 3 minutes in he received "a phone call" stopped on the side of the road and told us he had a meeting, "get out "

Here we were in the middle of no where in a part of town we knew not very far from our hotel . (wait,we didn't know any part of town) You would think one would be scared but I was not, as I watched him drive off, I chuckled and thought, "adventure!!!!!"

The excitement had kicked me in the gut before my foot reached the curb of the sidewalk, before I realise we were in a rather dark side of town, before My brain connected to my heart and said , "OK, fuck,what now?" well what does any woman do when with there mother when in a predicament, walk into the closest bazaar and shop. that's when I noticed my mom didn't seem to be too perturbed either.

After a bit of shop-lets pretend this is not happen-ing , we realised no cabs and to my utmost satisfaction we had no choice but to climb into one of the local tuck tucs with the help of the merchant we had just bought from.

Oh how pretty this ride was, zooming in and out of the traffic at the back of a bike with over bearing beautiful hooting in my ears, the beat of the traffic in sync to the the beat of my finger on the trigger of my camera, the trigger connected to the true view of my eye, freeee. my mom laughing every time she hit her head with every bump, then cursing,then laughing.

Until we reached the hotel, where they were not used to there clients taking joyrides in rickshaws,tuck tucs or any local means. Was the rush the ride or the expression of the concierge as i got out, the rush was being dropped in the middle of nowhere but knowing I was safe,believing I was true and seeing I was saved by a journey , journeys so few.

Day2: Good luck express to Taj Mahal

5am wake up call not always my strong point unless it has a purpose and today my purpose was to have the whole India train experience. Well including the train station this experience lasted all of 10.5minutes. To my surprise mom was actually quite excited, mom who I had to coax to get on my bloody train. We arrived at the station and me being half asleep couldn't really care less how we got to how platform, left mom to do all the work. Found myself climbing over people asleep spread out all over the floor, the stations smell best described as one huge male urinal. I followed my mom who took charge, she collected a couple of English back backpackers and we all made our way to the platform.

As the train approached I could sense my moms dis ease, I became excited until I slowly realised the concierge at the hotel had ripped us off. We were under the impression we were booked on second class , only to find ourselves in a dingy carriage of sleeper class. We climbed in, my excitement dropped at the pace of a small stone been thrown off a high cliff. we walked up and down, lost, confused. My mom was trying to humour me and sat on the bed next to a sadistically sleeping man with a stench as bad as the dirty station. I could not see out the window as it was black. we were in a moving slum. I could see tears swell up in her eyes, he voice broke as she spoke, " nooooo no no Carey, can you really see yourself doing this for 8 hours? , you cant even take pictures, no no no." I smiled, knowing I was defeated by a romantic Idea that was not romantic at all, I stood up and grabbed he, " no, I cant see this, lets go" we jumped out the train as it started moving.

It turned out to be a blessing, outside the station we met Sameer, "husband 2" who became our driver. We learnt much from Sameer as he drove us 4 hours to Agra. 4 hours though vacant lands. He told stories about his life, which I believe were just that:stories, but they were so mystically made up,I could not help but wait for the next word.

We had our own fictional magic carpet ride , filled with mystic potions(being the speed he seemed to be hooked on), stories about villages and sharing fires in huts,omens and cultures,we were led finally 12 toll gates later. a monkey taunted by a red haired wizard led by black magic, a pack of fags i smoked out the back window, mesmerising learning's of another, we arrived at the magical Taj Mahal.

I was overwhelmed by all these people,had a bi polar moment where i just wanted out,wanted to disappear, I sometimes couldn't handle my mother,nor myself, I wanted to evaporate.

Interesting enough I found solace in "fame"

I was stalked at first by young boys, who wanted my picture,then to shake my hand and before you knew it my mom and I were having family portraits with other family's. This to me is something more then just fascinating. Its unreality makes me disappear, into another realm, more than here or there, just less then me and more then I.

The Taj Mahal which is of course magical in splendor and rhymes to a place kept close, but the journey to this place of "love" the journey is the gift.

Check(me)out

j

Marry Me on Hashish Crn

WOW: Wondrous Ohmy Wonder or some other million concepts like that.
I don’t know where to start, as today definitely falls into one of thus days that has no beginning nor has it and end, it opens, unfolds, magically takes shape and I have journeyed through this cycle of simple heightened voyage all day.


I keep thinking, after sitting on the side of the street watching the monkey “shopping” amongst the people, waiting for my mom to finish an hour barter of beautiful colours running through merchants fingertips, using there whimsical voices as instruments. I rather enjoyed the free coffee,cooldrink, “smoke inside lady” , I enjoyed the humming of the we give you buy, MORE!
Thus as I do so often during the day found myself sitting on the side walk, behind a thin layer of smoke making my usual unusual “friends”

This is where I met Shakir. At first I was sceptical, he gave me a chair, offered me some tea, asked for a cigarette, then the rest of the box. Only then did he tell me he did not smoke but tricked me so to give it to his friends and to sit beside me. And here we go.
He asked if I drank, “no!” with a smile, “you do other intoxicating things?” once again I smile, “no longer.” He laughs. At this point there are three more men crowded around me and they listen as I tell my story. “ My god did I just have a “NA” Share in the side streets of Jaipur as my mom bought kaftans”

The group dispersed, all but 2, the elder man very amused by me, sipped at his tea and took my box of cigarettes, “this my friend is good, this my friend is better for you than the hashish or the dark stuff, you see?” he handed the box back smiled, “you keep smoking this, you stay away from the other!” This made me smile.

Shakir had obviously moved in closer, he is probably the only single Indian man I have met thus far, good-looking, not very humble, very charming, slightly insecure, rough but soft with a deer like spirit. At first he was more interested in taking me to smoke hashish. “After my story you want me to smoke hashish with you? “ He claimed he changed his mind but at this point I’m sure he would try most anything to get “close” to me including what came next: He went to fetch his uncle who in turn asked for her daughters hand in marriage to his nephew!

All this took place while my mom was buying kaftans and jewellery; I was whispering beautiful words to precious strangers. In one two hours had I been the other carey I could possible be smoking hashish in Jaipur while my mom was running off with black diamonds. Of course my promise to my arranged marriage would be null and void because I would be lost and my mom would be gone.

BUT

I am Carey now so In just 2 hours I wandered off into a textile place like any other textile place in the streets of Jaipur, this one was different, I met a man who spoke of his frustrations on all the rules they have in India and his culture, I shared with him my frustrations I have within myself, we smiled we laughed, we crossed temptation, he gave me a gift and then asked me to be his wife, I declined of course, but I had my photo taken with him anyhow, some things are perfectly in tune with how I woudof or could of felt for another, so I believe treat some other the way you would wanted to be treated in turn?

So much more than this I have come across today, seeing my mom feed monkeys at a temple, the temple of the sun gods, I insisted on taking her and I’m glad I did, because she was calm and she fed all those monkeys with purity. This place is much like an ashram vibe, collective people living off the land and prayer, it was hazed in a calm of hum, that makes things seem a little numb As we left where the monkey keeper once we “prayed”,” meditated” said to me, “you know your honey is funny and your funny comes from your honey"