It's becoming impossible for me to live as I do. So far so few. I am so anxious at night being on my own and not only on my own ,alone! I feel like this is always about me and always with an undertone of sadness. I don't mean for it to be this way, I don't welcome it or comfort myself with it.
Obviously I am not sad 24\7 but like I said, honestly always an undertone. I would say it is possibly because i don't know what I am doing, I cant see how to get where I want to be and even I am scared of what I want to be and getting there. Like my mom has always said "life is not easy" I suppose if things were always easy I would never know how beautiful life can be, I would never dream or even be here typing this entry.
My need is to share my experience and I'm beginning to think the reason my entries are on a low is because my experience of late seems to be the same, so I share feeling or lack there of.
I am not sadness, I am me.
Away from the subject i light a little bit of Christmas with you . As children we always loved Christmas, the wholeness of it. It was always made to be of utmost excitement. We started with writing out letters to 'Santa' in November, we would then lay our letters at the chimney where sparrows would swoop down and collect them, carrying the to the 'north pole'. Watching birds fly. On Christmas eve we would watch The snowman, sometimes more then once, Santa would come as we slept, we always slept in our sleeping bags, side by side, with the plan to see him and I'm sure we did. He would eat the cookies and drink the milk leaving us dozens of gifts. It was beautiful. The dream never died for me, I admit it, never died. Sparrows still swoop my messages and fly to.....
I share with you something my sister shared with me, a reminder of my child hood and really this following video is not just about Christmas but about feelings,hopes,expectations,fear and love and maybe more... you decide.
Obviously I am not sad 24\7 but like I said, honestly always an undertone. I would say it is possibly because i don't know what I am doing, I cant see how to get where I want to be and even I am scared of what I want to be and getting there. Like my mom has always said "life is not easy" I suppose if things were always easy I would never know how beautiful life can be, I would never dream or even be here typing this entry.
My need is to share my experience and I'm beginning to think the reason my entries are on a low is because my experience of late seems to be the same, so I share feeling or lack there of.
I am not sadness, I am me.
Away from the subject i light a little bit of Christmas with you . As children we always loved Christmas, the wholeness of it. It was always made to be of utmost excitement. We started with writing out letters to 'Santa' in November, we would then lay our letters at the chimney where sparrows would swoop down and collect them, carrying the to the 'north pole'. Watching birds fly. On Christmas eve we would watch The snowman, sometimes more then once, Santa would come as we slept, we always slept in our sleeping bags, side by side, with the plan to see him and I'm sure we did. He would eat the cookies and drink the milk leaving us dozens of gifts. It was beautiful. The dream never died for me, I admit it, never died. Sparrows still swoop my messages and fly to.....
I share with you something my sister shared with me, a reminder of my child hood and really this following video is not just about Christmas but about feelings,hopes,expectations,fear and love and maybe more... you decide.
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