speaks masses to me.
Sometimes, i put videos, or music or pictures down here as it is my journal my diary, not because I'm LAZY but purely because it speaks from me or expresses exactly from where I am, what i am in, how I am feeling.(why am I explaining myself here?) Today i am also plainly just tired, exhausted. I was in therapy this afternoon and there was a moment when i felt as if i could fall asleep right there and then on the pillow "her" pillow, on the couch "her" couch. I believe I am growing closer to trust if i was comfortable enough to truly want to just lay my head down and fall asleep. No it is in no way because it is boring, anything but= in not to many words I would say it was because it was stimulating, in the emotional sense, processing, processing is hard work, take my word for it. Just tired, tired of my mind.
It's a given that my migraines would be worsened on Tuesdays , "my sexy therapist" days (that was my ring tone for her for a while. A short while. A very short while as she is now my "welcome to the mental health hot line" more apt, although they kinda go hand in hand :) I'm going off here, my migraines, way worse, i got home,got sick slept 4 hours, I'm up now and will probably go to bed after I try and smoke (not sure how that's gonna go down) I find it so strange how I find it so hard to just look after myself sometimes, to day it was a little like that, but I was so relieved to just get into bed and say "this is okay"
I don't need to breathe through this mask if I just rip it off. Slowly,dismantle what doesn't work for me and keep it at bay, no not at bay, non exist.
i leave you with this...
"Sour Times"
To pretend no one can find
The fallacies of morning rose
Forbidden fruit, hidden eyes
Courtesies that I despise in me
Take a ride, take a shot now
'Cause nobody loves me
It's true
Not like you do
Covered by the blind belief
That fantasies of sinful screens
Bear the facts, assume the dye
End the vows, no need to lie, enjoy
Take a ride, take a shot now
'Cause nobody loves me
It's true
Not like you do
Who am I, what and why?
'Cause all I have left is my memories of yesterday
Oh these sour times
'Cause nobody loves me
It's true
Not like you do
After time the bitter taste
Of innocence, decent or race
Scattered seeds, buried lives
Mysteries of our disguise revolve
Circumstance will decide ....
'Cause nobody loves me
It's true
Not like you do
'Cause nobody loves me
It's true
Not like you
Nobody loves.. meIt's true
Not, like, you.. do
PORTISHEAD
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