knickers tied in a knot

and, it all comes to an end. Sleeping ends, the moment you wake up ends , every single ritual during the day ends but as it ends, another thing begins, so as putting on my clothes ends, making my coffee begins. These are just the little things, but the little things bring the same message, paint a much more simple picture as the larger perhaps more difficult, more enjoyable things. Depends what an individuals definition is of more enjoyable. I could write volumes of texts and inserts of philosophies on something as simply as brushing my teeth , going outside for the first time in the morning, to a dream such as wanting to sail across the Atlantic or travel to PERU.

I remember as a younging having a simple dream , it went like so: I wanted to live in the bush for 3 months of the year, in the City for 5 months (any City in the world NYC was on my list at the time because my uncles lived there) and the rest of the time I want to live by the sea. I didn't think of things like a job or how I would come to afford living there, that's what I wanted, that's what I dreamed. As I got older it stayed the more was just added, like lovers and interests and art etc etc.

I realise now my dreams or wants are not all that different, I would like to be in the bush once a year (i somehow always get that right) Be by the sea (check) Live in the city (well this i need to work on) Ive narrowed it down to Cape Town, NYC, Barcelona or Athens and from one of those places I would like to travel all the time. Still like a kid I do not think about where the money will come from to reach these dreams and I guess that's why they called dreams, but I kinda see them as goals. But unlike as I was growing I don't have a clear idea on the fillers, the lover, the friends, the "job ideas", the interests are there and the rest will follow.

or i could loose myself beneath Venice as I did in my story book. (again)

This comes up why? Today I officially completed my design job and now I don't have much to do(oh but there is Christmas) I feel an immediate gap, what am I waking up for, for a new day,a new life....

so in a day, my day today

I received a message that read "You know, YOU are now "the amazing" , oh and I smiled , this was just after a call I received where the same person opened the conversation with, "we are so in love with you right now" This was from the woman I spent so many hours doing the design work for and naturally this put a huge grin on my face. Of course I responded with some flirtatious half witted cocky response and as she laughed her words echoed again and then she said , "we well meet next week and discuss you payment"
Damn , I was just about to send her an invoice. You see I have issues with asking for money deserved and now I am going to have to do it face to face, but surely if she is singing my praises all will be fine?
right and until then I'm sure I will be practicing everyday.

today,
some thoughts were rotten and badly scarred,etched in my being to become unhold

today,

i forgot that I hadn't brushed my teeth until 10

today,

I hid who i was as someone passed judgement on me as they crept through my flat

today,

i couldn't get hold of you

today,

i went from ecstatic to dull to happy to defeated to sad to me to it all as It shows humanly

today,tomorrow

who knows

another thing, two sisters so far apart who can be on such similar ground and just know: single+relate=whole


this song is for you...