To the psyche ward and beyond....

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I took a trip to the psyche ward. I cant say I really saw it coming but I knew once it was advised. Months are a blur to me, everything rushing past me, stagnant with sadness , touched with mania , that doesn't stop, it slides.


I was a rapid cycler for a while. Which means I was manic and low at the same time, a dangerous place to be. Impulsive behaviour that could set me off in any way, good,bad,ugly,evil. I couldn't just sit and be me, something took over my core and my being wandered off to nowhere, but everywhere I could see.
Missioning without a reason and no point, give or take I screamed silently.


At first the manic me was delightfully inviting. Busy,UN moved,thrilling, anything I could be. Then came the sadness, a slight depression, riding fast on thoughts, with no purpose and no point. Thoughts of harm to myself, and maybe even some harm done. I still did not use, some say a miracle, I say it is just what it is. I became stuck and needed to change my meds to become unstuck.


This is where the journey to Psyche and beyond came in. I arrived,scared. Even though I have been twice before, I was still nervous. The stigma attached to going to a psychiatric ward, is dreary. I still am treated by my father as if I have done something wrong. Hello I chose to go somewhere to keep myself alive and healthy. Changed the meds,fought with nurses, learnt how to be my own support. Conversation about sex and cars and cars and sex, like a real "one of the guys situation" I found old friends and realised i still have the same feelings, I will always. I made new friends. I can trust other insane fellow, as we are the same but unique. I ate bad food, but I ate properly. I played pool,listened to music and wrote excessively. All in all I am happy I went in and wouldn't want it any other way, for I am true when I say I have come out stronger, much stronger then before.


I love being me, with all my 'labels', faults, beauty,insecurity, love. I have things to work on and how boring would life be if there was nothing to work on, no one to work with.


The pictures to follow are pictures I took on route to nut house, in the loony bin and on my way back, but I did not go back I came to a new home, so there to in to here i went, I go...