I am so very busy in my head right now. Its impossible. I have a very big decision to make although its pretty obvious I have already made it, it concerns late night dancing with "hot" nurses in psychiatric institutions, its a must see must do once a year on my list of all things to see and do, I swear there is nothing else like it.
I joke because the reality is, I cant bare it, the stigma attached to it, the label stuck to me by entering into it, the judgments, the whispers, the tip toeing and the riddled guilt. I just cant.
Is life like this. Tobe bi polar, to be me, does that mean forever and ever I can rely on the notion that I get to go "and get better" as they like to say, cos "I'm sick" you know, so every now and then I go get "high" in the care of those who"care?" I don't know, I just don't.
I understand that it is the right thing, and I am going to look after myself, but the open ended question do i belong? where do i belong? Can I take care of myself now? can I ever take care of myself? If i can make a decision to go in and take care of myself then surely that is taking care of myself, there for I am in sane frame of mind to be taking care of myself??? follow, follow>
so , it is 1 am and maybe i should let my mind rest, wake up and go/or not.
In the meantime i spent a large part of my evening putting together this slide show, of artwork that depicts exactly to the core of where i am, and for those who don't know, the reason I may be going into the psyche ward is probably to do with being in a safe place for a bit. I am in a kind of a mixed state, where i am both depressed and manic, that's the text book version, my version is, i am so fucking exhausted of being so elated one moment to so severely emotionally crippled the next to feeling both at the exact same time, my body can not keep up with me any more, I have intense emotions where I can no longer hold myself and I rely on my therapist for that, don't get me wrong I lover her and that I can but I just cant anymore. I have dangerous thoughts that could lead to dangerous places, I need help where I can be held, just till I'm a little stronger, give me three days (he he he--tsk tsk)
appreciate the following work and look into my soul
I love!
I joke because the reality is, I cant bare it, the stigma attached to it, the label stuck to me by entering into it, the judgments, the whispers, the tip toeing and the riddled guilt. I just cant.
Is life like this. Tobe bi polar, to be me, does that mean forever and ever I can rely on the notion that I get to go "and get better" as they like to say, cos "I'm sick" you know, so every now and then I go get "high" in the care of those who"care?" I don't know, I just don't.
I understand that it is the right thing, and I am going to look after myself, but the open ended question do i belong? where do i belong? Can I take care of myself now? can I ever take care of myself? If i can make a decision to go in and take care of myself then surely that is taking care of myself, there for I am in sane frame of mind to be taking care of myself??? follow, follow>
so , it is 1 am and maybe i should let my mind rest, wake up and go/or not.
In the meantime i spent a large part of my evening putting together this slide show, of artwork that depicts exactly to the core of where i am, and for those who don't know, the reason I may be going into the psyche ward is probably to do with being in a safe place for a bit. I am in a kind of a mixed state, where i am both depressed and manic, that's the text book version, my version is, i am so fucking exhausted of being so elated one moment to so severely emotionally crippled the next to feeling both at the exact same time, my body can not keep up with me any more, I have intense emotions where I can no longer hold myself and I rely on my therapist for that, don't get me wrong I lover her and that I can but I just cant anymore. I have dangerous thoughts that could lead to dangerous places, I need help where I can be held, just till I'm a little stronger, give me three days (he he he--tsk tsk)
appreciate the following work and look into my soul
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