Am so highly dosed right now can barely see the letters fall neatly on the screen. forget quickly. my day...
6:15am
I play light as my instrument as open the blinds and light falls ont to the beds amongst me,as they are white the light reflects and falls onto the composer.I feel sedated as the sun brings life into my large empty room.
I fall back to my bet with the idea that will sleep longer,my eyes heavy like sandbags. sleep i can not.
i wander aimlessly down and through the ghost like passages bumping into over worked and tired nurses. i say "you know i have 4 extra beds in my room if you want to have a lie in" but i can barely get any words out so it comes out as ""come sleep in bed" the effects from lastnights meds not yet out. taken toll!
6:45am
2 coffees 2 cigerettes,my heads getting round the med effect.
7:15am
i do not bath in these places(clinics) so i find myself a private room to sower.a tight squeeze. fanatical about how showers should be.many people have been in this one,I position myself as not to touch much. imagine this enseamble of a shower was made with kids or dwarfs in mind "little people"
The water came out hot,I washed my hair-it all worked out.
7:25am
Changed 3 times now, because decided whilst playing pool my thirt was to long.I look fat. jeans on jeans off2 tshirts ltr back to the 1st.
9:30am
I just played 2 mean games of pool. was stripes first and then solids. have this ssurperstition can only win if solids but just kicked ass with stripes. my oponentwas hilarious,really kind,extremely sarcastic but laughfrom the belly funny,good looking to- my oponent was me.
11:28am
Bored out of my fucking mind.
11:33am
Bored!
Sure the lithuim has gone up all that does is blur my vision. my responses r a little slower. am in need of stimulation here. stimulation here is smoked 5 boxes,drink bad coffee,play pool with imaginary fiends, listen to some guy ramble on about sabarus and try get into your pants at the same time- would take the fucking sabaru first.why is it that there is always 1 that thinkd hey will be the one to tuRn me???
11:40
Found my niche. music on my phone! with music as my filter my whole perception changes.puts me in a bubble. it feels like walking in slow motion through a movie set.
Grey light protected through my eyes,whispers of sadness waves from hbranches o the tree.blue skies of laughter peering through the thick trunks smiling wickedly as to say "so!its ok!"
12:00pm
Its so constricting when you listen to music with earphones you cnt sing? BUT sing and dance anyway.
13:17pm
Lunch-fish,I eat fish so get 'oLd' chicken (yum)
Stuck again with s as he triesd to talk his way into my pants,the normal tactics. listened,I blushes and worst of all flirted back. do this as - feel it gives m the power but normally end up off. so stick to the larger groups n besides k has my back.
13:40pm
B O R E D
Music- can u feel my heart beating?not feeling grounded right now.
8:45pm
SEDATED--- am almost shut down and switched off.
6:15am
I play light as my instrument as open the blinds and light falls ont to the beds amongst me,as they are white the light reflects and falls onto the composer.I feel sedated as the sun brings life into my large empty room.
I fall back to my bet with the idea that will sleep longer,my eyes heavy like sandbags. sleep i can not.
i wander aimlessly down and through the ghost like passages bumping into over worked and tired nurses. i say "you know i have 4 extra beds in my room if you want to have a lie in" but i can barely get any words out so it comes out as ""come sleep in bed" the effects from lastnights meds not yet out. taken toll!
6:45am
2 coffees 2 cigerettes,my heads getting round the med effect.
7:15am
i do not bath in these places(clinics) so i find myself a private room to sower.a tight squeeze. fanatical about how showers should be.many people have been in this one,I position myself as not to touch much. imagine this enseamble of a shower was made with kids or dwarfs in mind "little people"
The water came out hot,I washed my hair-it all worked out.
7:25am
Changed 3 times now, because decided whilst playing pool my thirt was to long.I look fat. jeans on jeans off2 tshirts ltr back to the 1st.
9:30am
I just played 2 mean games of pool. was stripes first and then solids. have this ssurperstition can only win if solids but just kicked ass with stripes. my oponentwas hilarious,really kind,extremely sarcastic but laughfrom the belly funny,good looking to- my oponent was me.
11:28am
Bored out of my fucking mind.
11:33am
Bored!
Sure the lithuim has gone up all that does is blur my vision. my responses r a little slower. am in need of stimulation here. stimulation here is smoked 5 boxes,drink bad coffee,play pool with imaginary fiends, listen to some guy ramble on about sabarus and try get into your pants at the same time- would take the fucking sabaru first.why is it that there is always 1 that thinkd hey will be the one to tuRn me???
11:40
Found my niche. music on my phone! with music as my filter my whole perception changes.puts me in a bubble. it feels like walking in slow motion through a movie set.
Grey light protected through my eyes,whispers of sadness waves from hbranches o the tree.blue skies of laughter peering through the thick trunks smiling wickedly as to say "so!its ok!"
12:00pm
Its so constricting when you listen to music with earphones you cnt sing? BUT sing and dance anyway.
13:17pm
Lunch-fish,I eat fish so get 'oLd' chicken (yum)
Stuck again with s as he triesd to talk his way into my pants,the normal tactics. listened,I blushes and worst of all flirted back. do this as - feel it gives m the power but normally end up off. so stick to the larger groups n besides k has my back.
13:40pm
B O R E D
Music- can u feel my heart beating?not feeling grounded right now.
8:45pm
SEDATED--- am almost shut down and switched off.
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