intimacy

INTI(enter)MA(me)CY(see)

Not for sensitive viewers, particularly family members, as what I am about to put down here is directly related to Sex and me participating in sex with the ex. (but guys, this is my life and I don't want to feel like I have to edit what I experience or feel or this would not be true to me, this is a virtual diary for myself which I'm happy to share freely with others if they so want it) 

Its hard to write at the moment because I am a concubine of sorts. We literally that is exactly as I feel right now. My place is code word for sex haunt as opposed to sex haunt code word for my place because that would mean I am sexual fiend. I am however a very sexual woman, by nature and by choice.

There is a ringing in my ears as I seem to remember snippets of a phone call I had with my therapist last night, discussing exactly how I don't want certain things to be with my "ex", I'm certain sex was one of the things that were not to play in the cards.

Here is the funny story about this. For months I have managed to partake in casual sex with her, not my therapist, my ex and it worked well with me: the lust full of candy in my mouth as i eat how I want as much of it as I want, never feeling ill. Physically never having enough, naked and raw and heavy and course. 

I felt like "the" lover who  could , the lover who never would. I became complete in my parody of a self made up "don jaun' except I wouldn't be a don or  Juan so maybe some other more unlikely seductress made up in my little mind using my amazing body to please and by god be pleased. I became a taker.

Honestly all I was doing was using the good old feel good.  The point I'm getting at I so freely gave myself and thought nothing of it , sex was sex and it was great sex and then we put a stop to it. Today something changed and something different happened in me.

I have these spurts from time to time, where I don't even think of sex, I stop sexualising the woman I usually put in my little boxes and keep them there for special occasions. I become dead to pleasures of erotic visuals that draw bumps from my skin where my hair stands and my loins swing freely. Beating as I numb from radiance of that where mind flows through blood and reach.

Things changed as I knew she is now in flirtation with someone a new. This does not phase me. I did however see this as an opening for the whole sex with the ex. The plan was to say good by, with a full throttle high. I will spare you the details as they are of extreme intimacy.

I can say all I needed to do was slide my hand from her knee to her groin and rest there for a while and then we kissed. Before you knew it our clothes were strewed over the floor and we were positioned beautifully in bed. where after we slept naked entwined which kinda got me going again and again we went.

Afterwards I asked if she thought of this girl during and she returned with "even if i did I wouldn't tell you" Tis is where things changed for me. I felt like a cheap whore who had just been used for sex to fulfill her fantasy of her new chick, so basically I was a piece of meat with no face or name, I was sex.

Go figure I would feel like the used after I so gladly slept with her for months. I wanted her out, to fuck off and go and so we fought. She cant understand what the big deal is, "if its only about sex for you so what if I think about someone else" JA , so she didn't think of anyone else apparently and I'm here thinking shes right so fucking what, Its not like I want anything and wait a minute why the fuck am i still doing this and what the fuck am I thinking writing this?

This is me,this is whats happening right now,this is what i have to say. Laid behind me is she who waits for our next romp in the hey. I'm Broken and gone and know this is wrong, I'm taunted and teased and sadly seized,by my own sexed mess i confess , i need no more,less!

the scent from the proof of the sweat in a realistic spoof, I'm a goof, not aloof,play your game oh but I came ,who can i blame but myself I will maim. So just stop its enough, from a fling to a fuck, i call you to feel blue but there not much you can do. Its not fun i explore ,it hurts like blood and gore,i freak out and i scream, so let me go back to daydream.....


oh, this is not so sensitive for those viewers