no hide no seek

Oh wonder is me. I am almost delirious in my amazement of my day and how everything just flowed. I kind of want to wrap my arms around myself, i look , Oh it seems my arms are wrapped as far as they can go round me, no my hands cant touch. Geekishly amused.

All this because I got out. Not only did I get out I met people, real life people, that if I pinched them they would say ouch and others would say mmm , harder ;) No slowing me down once I'm on a roll, on your marks get set, go,go go.

This is the cool thing, my day was unexpected, I was doing my normal buying crap at Chinese stores, a little bit of stationary i don need another lighter for my collection that disappears, i must have millions of lighters that are playing hide and seek with me, it seems I'm not playing very well cause I just cant find the little fuckers. So the cool thing is I hooked up with my grandparents aka  Nana and GP, we went to this fair/market thing. Let me tell you when I went through those gates my peeps by my side I was dumbstruck in awe of the fascination of it all. The small things hey. The beauty: The stuff,the food and yes the people, my grand father seemed to be the only male there, it was extraordinary.

Normally I cant handle busy places, I totally freak out, I standstill and just loose total focus on where I am and who I am. But I smile, My reaction to every person that brushed past me was placid rather then insecure or aggressive and then it all started to happen. Some girl started talking to me and we chatted and we got so involved in chatting I lost my grandparents, before I realised how long it had been I kinda panicked and raced around looking for them. Phew and there they were. I had connected. It may seem small to some but For so long I have not allowed myself to even walk out of my front door never mind have a 15 minute conversation with a stranger. Okay sure I do it all the time when I travel but when I am here it is different, I make it different, here it is real, when I travel its part of a dream part of a journey its part of a story I can tell. The day went on like this, I connected with 1 more then I ate a pancake got a coffee, stuffed two rice crispy treats down (don't you love those things, I just had to , its like eating a childhood memory)

I had a day well spent full of connection, with my grandparents, with the blonde girl whose name I dint get, with the brunette who's name I did and to top it all up I passed by my little sister and we who do not normally sense each other out, held each other close and I could feel our branches twisting as the blossoms from each touched and parted again.

I've decided, I need to get over this morbid staring at the same closed door scared to be a part of a world that I have so much to give and receive from. It's hard though with all my labels, I'm up, I'm down, I'm inward I'm outward, I'm extravagant,exuberant, I fall, I climb, I freak out and ignore, I'm human, I'm here I'm open, not sure if it should be a warning or a blessing that I am ready to free myself. I think I am, I mean Ive always been experimental, from day one so lets experiment, living is not closing myself off and only allowing a hand full of people near me, living is not shutting my self down , living is being the Carey I am born to be (can u get any cornier then that?)

seriously I have electricity in my soul, my heart dances with my feelings, they getting down to my rhythm, the rhythm from my eyes that meet all of this and travel to my feet. My vibrant body netted with the grasp of my keep, I stop before i get to deep, silly billy make me dilly)